Taking on the role of executor for a loved one’s estate is both an honor and a burden. Most people step into the role with little to no experience, and what they quickly discover is that probate can be far more complex—and emotional—than expected.
Over the years, I’ve worked with many families navigating this process. And while every situation is different, certain themes come up again and again when clients reflect on the experience.
Below are five things I frequently hear from executors after everything is said and done—shared here to help others prepare, protect the estate, and avoid the same stress and uncertainty.
1. “I didn’t realize how long probate would take.”
The reality: Many people assume probate will be settled in a few weeks. In truth, it often takes several months to a year or more, depending on the complexity of the estate and the state’s probate laws.
Avoid the regret: Go into the process with realistic expectations. Be patient, ask questions early, and lean on professionals—attorneys, agents, and advisors—who can help keep things moving while keeping you informed.
2. “I wish I had gotten help with the house sooner.”
The reality: Executors often delay dealing with the property—whether due to grief, overwhelm, or uncertainty. Unfortunately, this can lead to deterioration, lost value, or even fines from the city for code violations.
Avoid the regret: One of the best things you can do early on is secure the property, document its contents, and create a plan for maintenance or sale. A probate-savvy real estate agent can help you evaluate next steps and connect you with vendors to make the process easier.
3. “I didn’t know I was personally liable for certain things.”
The reality: Executors have a legal duty to act in the best interest of the estate and its heirs. If bills are missed, assets are mishandled, or decisions are made too quickly, it can create personal liability—even if mistakes were unintentional.
Avoid the regret: Before taking action, make sure you’re legally authorized by the probate court. Keep meticulous records, communicate clearly with heirs, and don’t be afraid to ask professionals for help—especially when money, contracts, or taxes are involved.
4. “I assumed everyone in the family would be on the same page.”
The reality: Even in loving families, grief can bring out unspoken tensions, differing expectations, and conflict over what to do with the home or belongings. Miscommunication or lack of clarity often adds unnecessary stress.
Avoid the regret: Be transparent from the start. Hold a family meeting, share timelines and updates regularly, and involve neutral third parties when needed—especially if disagreements start to surface.
5. “I thought I had to do everything myself.”
The reality: Many executors feel a deep sense of responsibility and try to handle every task personally—from legal paperwork to home repairs to family communication. It can quickly become overwhelming.
Avoid the regret: Delegate what you can. You don’t have to be the appraiser, real estate agent, cleaner, or therapist. There are professionals—like me—who specialize in probate property and can guide you through the process with compassion and experience. You’re not alone, and you don’t have to wear every hat.
A Final Word
Being an executor is no small task, and it’s normal to feel unsure along the way. The good news is, you don’t have to figure it all out alone—and you don’t have to learn everything the hard way. These lessons, shared by others who’ve walked this path before you, are meant to offer perspective and peace of mind.
If you’re beginning the probate process or in the thick of it and feeling stuck, I’m here to help. Whether it’s advice, resources, or help preparing the home for sale, I’ll meet you where you are—and walk with you every step of the way.